Ebb and flow

It's been an interesting week of emotional tides. I'm feeling a little bit more at ease today. Paxil and conversation the prescriptions.

I can be as protective as a mama bear when I see someone with little power being taken advantage of or hurt in any way. That's the way I've been feeling about my B. She is not nor has she ever been a "miserable kid." Rather, I think someone's own feelings of miserableness are projected onto B. We can't choose the family into which we are born. The only good thing to come out of my sister's marriage is this child who fills my heart completely.

Today she is ice skating with Aunti Loli. They had to call be to tell me what they were up to as I had taken B skating when I was in MA for Christmas. No one's fallen yet! Hearing her sweet little voice cheers me. My favorite part of arriving home for a visit is seeing her there waiting for me. Since she was a little toddler and could walk, out she'd come with her arms stretched. I don't know how much longer I'll be able to catch her when she comes down the street at a full run and jumps up into my arms, but you can bet, I'll do my damndest to make those moments last as long as I can.

Little man Oliver called me this morning too. He read to me from his new library book. He's three and a half. I don't think I read until the third grade! Mila, she just giggles until she has the phone in her possession and then all goes silent. It's the kids that make the world go around.

Sometimes my mind goes on overload. I think about too many things at one time causing my blood pressure to go up and the anxiety to surface. Makes me cranky when I don't realize that I'm about to run out of my happy pills and then miss a day or two. I'll cry at commercials or worry about all the world's problems. I have to remind myself that I can't solve them all. I've got to focus on the ones at hand.

Next week I go to the orthopeadic clinic and begin PT for my three disk issue. Hopefull my S1 nerve root will begin to behave. Sleep is a good thing and I'm looking forward to a full and comfortable night.

Focus...that's what I need to do. I think that will be my theme for 2009. Focus.