Online Dating and the Wrath of Lesbians

Seriously, where does my mind go?

I was actually thinking about how much I liked those little note cards, magnets and tchotchkes that feature images of 1950s era women with little sarcastic comments. Two of my favorites are "I've lost my virginity but I still have the box it came in!" and "I've given up sex for food, now I can't even get into my own pants." So, this lead to me thinking about how all my gay male friends seem to appreciate this sarcastic self-deprecating humor as much as I do.

That got me thinking about how while online dating I thought I'd use my profile in a blog-like fashion to poke fun at online dating. My first post poked fun at how many women seemed to post pictures taken ages ago. I asked how many used a Kodak Instamatic and 110 film and then made reference to mullets.

That's all it took to unleash the wrath of several dozen disgruntled lesbians (many of whom I'll bet have mullets). Geeze...I thought, can't we poke fun at ourselves?

Online dating is interesting, to say the least. I was very specific in my original profile, mentioning that I enjoy the arts, music, opera, decorating, cooking, etc and that I was interested in ladies who shared the same interests. I also stated that while I liked the out-of-doors, I'm not a camper and much prefer a romantic bed and breakfast.

So...who chose to respond to my post? An ex-Marine auto mechanic with a motorcycle who loves to camp and fish and watch football. Apparently, she's not much into reading - well, profiles at least. Mind you, I certainly don't mind sitting down to enjoy an occasional football game and plan to watch the Spartans kick Georgia's butt tomorrow, and I have pictures of me with the HUGE bass I caught in New Hampshire, my preference is toward activities that are associated with upper middle class, executive wives from the 60s and 70s. Baby, I mix a mean martini and throw a great dinner party. Not only can I pick out colors and fabrics, I relish in doing so. I'd love to have season tickets to the symphony and opera. I am a member of the Grand Rapids Art Museum and the Urban Institute of Contemporary Arts. And each May I have a 15 year-standing date with my friend Robert to tour the Parade of Homes.

Living here in the midwest makes finding a woman with similar interests kind of challenging. Which lead me to a wonderful woman who lived in Salt Lake. Silly, I know. I'm certainly not swimming in money nor do I have oodles of vacation time. Long distance dating took it's toll on the both of us. Sadly we've moved on.

I found it interesting when perusing the dating site to see how lesbians have changed through the years. If you search by age you absulutely notice that with each passing decade, the stereotypes seem to be fading away. When I was first coming out two decades or so ago, I thought that I had to change from the woman I knew to be me to a "Lesbian" version of myself. Sure does make for some great laughter when going through the photo albums. One thing I learned, 1-inch-long hair is really easy to maintain!

I finally found my way back to me. And regardless of how politically incorrect it may be, "me" is just a girl. A regular old girl who doesn't mind stereotypical girl activities yet is independent enough to manage on her own (I used to change my oil and spark plugs and I can lay tile, fix a sink and build a wall).

Seriously, all I've ever really wanted is the spouse, the kids and the white picket fence. I would make a wonderful executive housewife. I just can't seem to find my executive wife. Where are the Bettes and Tinas of the world? Perhaps they only exist on Showtime.